Everyone Has Something I Don’t Have

I have a few rituals for when I get discouraged with myself. One is I buy or download a book that could be called pretentious so that I can casually drop into conversation that I am “just reading Ulysses”. Or I listen to new age podcasts. It’s not that I particularly agree with everything in them but I just love the idea that I can meditate my way to a better life. For the record, I do believe in meditation and some of the other parts of it, but I think there is room for doubt in any belief system. In any case you would think that after many new age podcasts and “build your self a life you don’t need a holiday from” affirmations that I wouldn’t experience jealousy. But you would be wrong! I am not, as previously disclosed, what you might call a positive person. In fact, I am the opposite. Where others my see the unknown as something beautiful to embrace I live in constant terror of what bad thing might befall me around the next corner. And I’m jealous, but I’m not just jealous of one thing (ie: other people’s travels).  No, I am jealous of everything even when I can rationalise why I don’t have or even want something. Someone has a cleaner? I am jealous of that even though the longest I’ve lived in one apartment at a time has been two years, the last two years in fact. A European friend gets to go on a long haul break and I am stuck doing city breaks? Of course that makes sense I’m from Canada and if I want to go home once a year than that costs as much as their long trips. Someone just has that pregnancy glow? I’m jealous of that too, even as a childless-by-choice woman. Earlier I was feeling down because “I hadn’t gone anywhere this year” and this despite a weeklong road trip around Ireland, a city break in Belfast, a music festival and a week in Prague. Does this all sound ridiculous? That’s because it is.

Now I would like to offer you a solution, but I don’t have one. The truth is that there are people who have things I don’t have. There are people who are better at not buying a take away on the weekend and have more money for bigger things they want.  There are people who pursued their careers and didn’t do the “free spirit” thing. There are people who come from wealthier backgrounds. Those are all true and being thankful for what I have (which I am) doesn’t magically make them untrue. Personally I don’t find that I can improve my mood by reminding myself of the things I have, because again, I can rationalise them all away. The fact is that I’ve always had an image in my mind of who I was and wanted to be. In my mind I was the world traveller who was always wearing floaty caftans and “just dropping by” before jetting off somewhere else. I never seemed to have a job but yet had stylish clothes and an extensive wine knowledge. I was well read and had heated arguments on the phone in another language. I could easily discuss current affairs around the world while also being able to casually drop some reason that someone should or shouldn’t do something based on their numerology. And friends. That’s who I am now. Well, more or less. I need a few caftans and my knowledge of wine is not so much extensive as it is “I have tried a lot of different bottles of wine to excess”. But even being the person I wanted to be doesn’t stop me from seeing what other people have and sometimes being envious. This is why I balk at the “build a life you don’t need a vacation from” nonsense.  You can build the exact life you want and still wonder what it would be like to have that other thing. There’s that cheesy saying about one door opening when the other door closes but the truth is that when we choose one door another one closes. Every choice we make excludes another choice, or excludes it for now.

So what to do about that human emotion of jealously? I think, as I’ve learnt from the many meditation podcasts I’ve listened too, the only thing to do is experience it and then let it go. To say to ourselves, “I feel jealous of that” and then to not shame ourselves. We try to make ourselves relentlessly happy and feel guilty when we aren’t, we already have so much we tell ourselves. In the travel community we say that if we just change our destination then we can be happy. That endless travel is the solution. But it’s not. Happiness is an elusive and ever-changing thing and trying to make ourselves happy doesn’t work. Next time we feel jealous let’s forgive ourselves for being human and then just keep doing our thing. Instead of trying to be relentlessly happy let’s relentlessly be ourselves.

 

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Let’s Talk About Saving Money For Travel

A quick browse of the blogs I read, pinterest and instagram tells me all the ways I can make money. They range from the glamourous (start a “side hustle”, manifest more money just by thinking about it, positive affirmations) to the downright torturous (make pack lunches  for the rest of your life and never enjoy any of the finer things in life like take out or a can of coke from the refrigerator section of the shop or Netflix). I would be lying if I said I don’t fall into the temptation of trying these various things. Sometimes I put on my finest silk robe, light some candles and swan around the house reciting my horoscope and telling my husband we need to manifest 500 Euros. He asks me  why I don’t aim a bit higher but I think that we should be reasonable in our requests to the Universe or God. I mean, really. Other times I am scrooge, chronicling every cent and feeling guilty for having 2 pints instead of one or taking a taxi when we could have walked. I get it. Here we are with housing prices becoming nearly unreachable and there is the ever present threat of a robot taking our job. Many people my age are going back to school for a second or third time. The world seems on the brink of calamity and social media makes us feel constantly inferior. If we sort out our finances, it seems, maybe we can have a perfect apartment and travel constantly and in general escape that existential dread (too far? Maybe).

So I wanted to write this because I want to share what my finances are like after 10 years of travelling every year for long periods of time and living abroad. I’m not here to tell you to skip your take away coffee, or to live like your poor, or to just GET YOUR PRIORPTIES STRAIGHT because, pardon my French, I think that’s all horseshit. You won’t get rich by skipping your coffee and travel isn’t a priority for everyone. Furthermore telling people to punish themselves for not being rich by not ever having any small luxuries is cruel and judgmental. I’m not here to tell you how you can travel Europe for 7 years with $500 because a.) how? and b.) this sounds terrible to me.I used to feel frustrated when people would tell me I was lucky to travel because it didn’t seem like luck to me, I worked hard to get everything I have. But in another sense I am lucky, lucky to have a stable financial background, to have been able to live at home and find good jobs and to have been born when and where I was. So the goal of this isn’t to tell anyone to save for travel or how to do it. I find that finances and travel aren’t often talked about in a honest way and I wanted to do that.

First of all the negatives. I have debt and have been working hard to get it paid off, it’s not easy. Second of all, because I wanted to travel I did a lot of my degree online so I could work more and while I don’t say I regret it there are certain aspects I now see the negatives too. Had I done my degree in a class room I could have met other people in my field, made friends, networked and  probably seen a more clear career path.  I have borrowed money from my parents (which I paid back years ago). I have lived in some not great places and eaten a lot of rice and beans (the metaphorical rice and beans).  I once stayed in a fifty person dorm.

When it comes to saving money, I worked in restaurants and always made good tips which I saved. I made a chart and tracked everything I spent and made. I bought conditioner in Dollarama (oh, how I miss you Dollarama. Not the conditioner, that was rubbish and I only did that once) and have always used mainly drugstore make up. I lived at home for little or no rent, got a lift or a taxi to work ( I don’t drive so a car would be a bit of a strange investment). I picked up every shift I could and went to work even when I was sick. Ultimately, for me travel was the thing I wanted most so I worked to get it. There’s no secret to saving money for travel, except for just doing it and for the average person that means giving up other things. That’s it. It’s also important to remember that not every can afford to, or even wants to travel and we should stop telling them “but I travelled all of  Norway with 25 cents!”. Let’s just stop that nonsense. I would also like to add that I travelled for 1-5 months at a time, not including the nearly two years in Spain and two here in Ireland. Yes, that’s a long time to travel and I enjoyed it, I’m not going to dispute that! But it also means that for 11 to 7 months I was at home working and that’s a long time to not have new clothes or a seasonal beverage, still those are things that can be done without. What shouldn’t be done without is nights out with friends, after work drinks and functions with family and friends. Whether you’re at home or abroad human connection requires money and time and those things shouldn’t be sacrificed for a trip.

Lastly, this year I turned the much maligned thirty. And when you turn thirty, at least for me, things start happening to you. By things I mean that I now prefer designer make up, and the thought of staying in a hostel makes me want to run screaming in the other direction. I spend more money on things for my house. I want to eat good food and when I travel I want to eat the local food not hide out in the hostel eating the free dinners. I am not at all criticising those things, I had a good time doing them all through my twenties but priorities change and that’s okay. That is to say, I better up my manifestation goals. Maybe 550 euro?

For many Christmas pictures and pictures of our trip to Prague check on my Instagram @stephanierosetravels

 

 

Go Ahead, Be a Tourist

If you’ve gone on 0 trips or 7000 you know that you don’t want to be a “tourist” you want to be a “traveller” and you want to seek out “authentic experiences” you want to see “the real ____________”. I’ve heard that everywhere I’ve lived and travelled too. “Dublin’s not really Ireland” or “Rome is a typical destination for a North American” (still don’t know what that means, it’s the capital and a historic city so probably lots of people go there not just North Americans??). I am here to say bullshit. Look the truth is, yes if you live somewhere for a while it will feel different then stopping by for a week or two, and the longer you live there the more your perspective will change. Yes if you learn the language you will have a deeper experience. These things are true. But if you’re travelling somewhere, even if you’re living there, stop looking for authentic experiences. You are having an authentic experience right now. Even if you eschew all the traditional tourist things, you’re still a tourist. At least that’s how I see it. In my years of trying to be an “authentic traveller”  I have yet to have someone come up to me and say “wow Stephanie, good job, you’re a traveller and not a tourist”. What’s more I’ve spent a lot of time trying to please other travellers and impress them with the tales of m authentic travels and you know what? That certain type of person is never happy because there’s always someone who’s been somewhere more “interesting” or done something more adventurous, or been too more countries or whatever the case may be. And you know what that’s true. Because whatever you do there will someone who has done something different.

eiffel tower (1)

Seeking so-called “authentic” experiences often means that one, particularly a Westerner, is attempting to be an arbitrator of another culture and what defines their culture. If  Spain, for instance, and I’m just using this as an example, decides to ban bull fighting or the running of the bulls in the near future it is not the job of  me, or anyone else to say that they should keep the tradition because it’s, well, a tradition. What’s more, what’s often described as the “real __________” is the countryside, the rural places that have remained more homogeneous (or have been seen to remain homogeneous, in reality these places are disappearing fast as well) . It implies that the more multi-cultural cities, the thriving multi-ethnic places don’t really represent a certain country. That things should stay a certain way or else lose their charm. It treats people and cultures as museum pieces that can be preserved for you and your entertainment. It doesn’t allow countries or communities to change as they see fit. Many times on my travels I’ve hear ” oh there’s a Starbucks/McDonalds/ other American corporation that can be used to describe everything that’s wrong with the world in every city” and that’s more or less true. I’m not here to say Starbucks or McDonalds are good or should be everywhere but I mean, I like Starbucks festive drinks and sometimes you just need a Big Mac but I digress. I would argue, and will readily admit if I’m wrong, that cultures are strong enough to survive a McDonalds popping up on the corner. I’m not here defending McDonalds and there are real conversations to be had about gentrification and the harm it does, just to say that maybe a lot of handwringing when we see someone from another country enjoying a 6 euro coffee is out of place. Look, I’m not immune. There was a little cafe in Valencia that was what I would describe as a typical Valencian old man bar/cafe. The kind where everything is kind of orange and brown, there’s probably a fan in the corner and a cigarette machine from the 18th century or so, they give you a coffee for a euro and they seem angry when they do it. If you’ve been to Spain you know what I’m talking about. Last time I went to Valencia it had turned into a brightly coloured, stylish looking place. I felt kind of sad. But guess what? I don’t live there anymore and I don’t own that business. If that makes them more money, or makes them happier or caters to tourists then hey, that’s their choice.

All of this is a long winded way to say, let’s get rid of this elusive idea of a “traveller” because who even knows what that means?When I’m travelling from now on I’m going to be a tourist.  So let’s embrace it (respectfully of course), enjoy the Eiffel Tower it’s iconic and pretty damn cool. See Big Ben or the many churches around Europe. Take some cheesy pictures, stop worrying what everyone thinks of you.  You have the privilege of being able to travel to a new place, enjoy it, without wondering if it’s good enough, real enough, true enough. Readers will know that I’m concerned with travelling ethically and that stands, I think we need to be informed about where we go and what we do when we’re there. But if you’ve done that then just enjoy yourself, do your trip your way and enjoy yourself. You get to travel!

Disagree? Let me know in the comments.

and if you want to see pictures of dog and cake and sometimes even travel follow me on instagram

A Weekend in Sligo

Good Morning!

We were road tripping around Ireland last weekend and spent two nights in Sligo where we ate, drank, relaxed and did a bit of shopping too. Saturday night we ate at A Casa Mia. Since I lived in Spain I feel like I am the foremost authority on tapas (haha!) and these were delicious. The service was lovely too.  Before we went for dinner we stopped at a proper old man pub, that I don’t even know the name of. Bf and I both love little hole-in-the-wall type places and this was the best of the best. Rickety old stools, old men drinking, an old fireplace, bottles and kegs stacked in the corners and, according to reports, excellent Guinness. On the way home we stopped at a small waterfall for a little walk and to eat some icecream and get take away coffees. It was freezing cold and the icecream man was wearing a jacket but we didn’t let that stop us. Also, take away coffee is one of my guiltiest pleasures. Whenever I get a coffee to go people always comment that it’s “so American” but I read the other day that Canada is the third largest consumer of coffee in the world so I’d say it’s more “Canadian”. Coffee is life! In any case, did anyone do anything exciting this weekend?

sligo-collage-2

sligo-collagesligo-2sligo-3picture of glencar waterfall in ireland

 

A Weekend In Banff

Hey friends! You know what I love doing? Planning holidays. I’m sure I’ve written about this before but one time I planned a dream ski-holiday for fun. I certainly have no intention of ever going skiing again (I went once when I was a teenager and spent the whole day on my face and dreaming of poutine). Right now I’m browsing Secret Escapes (has anyone used this site and if so please tell me how good it is) and looking for a quaint Irish town to visit for our birthdays which are in July. Did you know that it’s possible to spend 7 hours in a bus in Ireland? I thought that 7 hours would take you around the whole island several times.

Anyway, since travel is still a few weeks away I’m sharing some pictures from our trip to Banff last fall.

picture of Banff in a article about travelling to Banff

 

Brunos restaurant in Banff Canada

A non-outdoors-person’s guide to Banff, ie: My 5 Must Do’s in Banff

1.) Have a breakfast burrito at Bruno’s
2.) Pamper yourself with a visit to the spa or a couples massage at Banff Avenue Bliss
3.) Have dinner or drinks in Tooloulous.
4.)Wander the streets, take a walk by the river and pop into the shops. Buying things on holiday is always so much funner.
5.)Stuff your face with a Beaver Tail covered in Nutella or sugar and cinnamon (or, if you’re me, both)

Banff Collage

Where are you dreaming of? What’s your next trip?

xx

A Weekend Camping in Northern Ireland

So the other day I went down the proverbial rabbit trail of looking at #Van Life  pictures on Instagram and Pinterest and you know how they just show you stuff similar to posts you’ve already liked? Well  now whenever I look at either it’s just loads of pictures of camping, pine trees, ceramic mugs and Airstream trailers. I think it’s really interesting that it’s so popular to pack up your life and seek freedom on the road , in a ridiculously expensive and super stylish trailer of course. I’m saying that as a person who would not, under any circumstances want to live in a trailer. And as I write this the universe is conspiring to make me living in a camper van at some point, I’m certain. Dear Universe I like the Airstreams best, okay thanks. Anyway, feeling inspired, we packed up (and by packed up I mean, I nearly packed everything we own, I am a chronic over packer and will read every article on the internet about packing light and then completely forget it and bring 20 pairs of heels to the beach, don’t judge me) and headed out to the woods on a small secluded island, that is, we walked willingly onto the set of every horror movie ever.  There was even a TV left behind just perched on a tree. I know what you are thinking. Why did we stay there after seeing that?? Well my friends,  I can tell you! It was because we’d already set up our tent that has private bedrooms and that thing was a pain in the arse. No, really, the TV was there because the river flooded this past year and washed up all the garbage that had been in the river. I’m sure the river didn’t put it in the tree and that was an intrepid camper and definitely not the guy from Saw. And now you’re asking who disposes of a TV in the river and I second that question. YOU GUYS, we have fucked up the environment already, we have to stop doing this before we all die from climate change or the animals revolting like in that wonderful garbage show ZOO. Anyway we cooked over the fire and drank beer and sangria. I’ll fully admit I’m one of those people who at every social gathering must bring my “special sangria recipe”so I can tell everyone that I lived in Spain, don’t judge me for that either. Also my “special sangria recipe” is wine and whatever fruit I find in the shop. It’s “authentic”. We brought our dog, Tyson,with us as well and were surprised at how well behaved he was, he went to sleep as soon as we put him in the tent! He did momentarily light his tail on fire by going to close to the fire, but no damage was done. It was a wonderful and rejuvenating night for everyone. Except for Tyson’s tail.

picture of camping in Northern Ireland

How did you spend your weekend? Would you live in a camper van for the long haul?

xx

 

A Weekend in Dublin

The weird thing about moving abroad is that you think you’re going to miss big things from home but it’s really the littlest things that vex and confuse you. While we were out in Dublin this weekend with friends a Spanish friend  expressed her extreme annoyance with having to wait for hot water in Ireland (it’s true, you have to ask yourself if the heat has been on to warm the water or turn on a little “immersion” heater, it’s quite the production). Other things that surprise me about life over here are the hot and cold water taps (how are you supposed to wash your hands?), how delicious the ready made meals are in the supermarket and British television, just to name a few.

dublin2

Anyway, we were in Dublin this weekend and what a surprise for both of us. I lived there for a few months when I was 20 and loved it but walking around again I remembered how cool Temple Bar is, how fun it is going out there and, to be honest, how good the  shopping is. I haven’t done any clothes shopping since moving so I went a bit wild. I was a kid in the 90’s and remember making my first style choices back then so I am nostalgic for the 90’s revival looks. My boyfriend was also surprised by Dublin and enjoyed seeing the sights.We both felt like we were seeing it with new eyes. We also ate a delicious seafood platter at Klaw, it was tasty and the server was so nice. Probably the best thing about the weekend  was being able to catch up with each other and friends and getting a little bit day drunk.

dublin collage

Back at home now and trying to recover from the weekend by eating energy bites and doing Pilates (uggh).

Anyway in conclusion, Dublin is good, working out is bad!